If you'd like to chat a matador

are words from a song by this lady. She's German of course and this song, sang in English, was pretty popular in the discos and clubs of Marbella in 1974.

Interestingly, the third verse is downright suggestive of all sorts.....

"Quite by chance to hot romance I found the answer

Flamenco dancers are by far the finest bet

There was one who whispered "oh hasta la vista"

Each time I kissed him behind the castanette

He rattled his maracas close to me

In no time I was trembling at the knee"

Anyway, Thumper is going to Spain for two weeks. I'm working mostly and seeing something of Pip during spare time.

Truth to tell, it'll be a busy old period. Got these chaps to think about at home. Tilly and Dave are my groovy boys. Tilly....a mentalist and Dave benign as a wooden post

Also there's this, this and this to get involved in.

Worked last night. Group went really well. Tried to work with the most "difficult" members instead of my usual bankers so, at times, a bit like this.

(Looking for the right clip btw, I came across this....goodness!)

I'm off here soon. Then into the Cotswolds for a "time"

As the lady says

"every dog must have his lucky day

That's why I've learnt the way to shout ole"

JVIP

It's getting to the point

are words from this song. I hope, over the next few weeks, I will grow stronger and become a force for good again. Can't be a person who is no fun.

I've felt very strange over the last few days and, on Sunday, decided to break free a little. The Pipmeister was away getting very muddy at this event. Saturday afternoon she sent me a multimedia message that included a photo of a very muddy girl.

Anyway, yesterday, to remedy my gloom and sense of displacement, I took my boy out on the bike. We went over hill and dale to a meeting here.

The meeting involved two guys on these, myself and Boy on the BMW.

We had a lovely chat for a couple of hours, talking to a guy with another Rudge and also, a man who had restored one of these. The engine ran as smoothly as a well-oiled sewing machine.

Then we were off into the countryside visiting here, here and (best of all) here.

We did about 140 miles, managed to keep (mostly) to speed limits and had a time. It was what I needed most of all.

Today, I'm seeing Pip for the first time in 3 weeks. It is the very start of our new relationship and the embarkation point of a future together. I'm having mixed feelings about it. These feelings are as follows:

Excited, Scared, Worried, Thrilled, Expectant, Concerned, Responsible, Loving and wanting to make it right.

This morning my boy phoned me up at work, he Say's "Dad, I'm looking on Ebay, and they've got a great 125 Yamaha on there"

I sighed quietly and thought, "I am yours, you are mine, we are what we are"

JVIP

oh the games people play now

Is a song by this guy. And goodness, the games people do play.

Two posts in a day means either, that I'm worried and in pain, or (as in this case) a bit bored and feel I need to talk about something.

I have a history on the Internet that goes back some 6 or 7 years so I know my way around the block. I've been reading blogs for about 3 or 4 years and started to write myself about two years ago. This one's been going since January. It's a sad affair sometimes but helps me think about how I feel about stuff.

In looking through other people's blogs, I'm often surprised at the level of vitriol leveled at the things people write and have had many thoughts about this over the years.

It seems that whatever you do on here, no matter how small or large your profile, someone feels its ok to come along and piss on your strawberries. Because readers, its in the public domain.

Me ?......I think its ok too. Have a go here, have a go there. I usually work from the principle those who live by the sword, die from it sometimes.

I think also, however, that sometimes a degree of sensitivity is called for.

There are spits and spats everywhere you look in the world of blogs. For example, here and here, are at one another's throats as usual. I love John Band BTW.

But, and here's a thing, I never realised the sex blog industry could have such tension within its ranks.

I've come across this little thing going on........... I know none of these people but goodness they are at it.......

This lady identifies with this lady and (I think) quite likes her. Unfortunately, this lady has had a go at one of them and the other has come to her defence.

Luka asks in her responses for people to give her reasoned debate. She is "keen to argue her case with anyone"

"Well Luka, reasoned debate from an old bear comes hard." I tend to fall into the category of person (these days) that sticks to the maxim of "Fit in, or Fuck off"

Your "ginger" piece is funny, irreverent and interesting. And your triumphal crowing in seeking out a seemingly hapless person who is (maybe) less sophisticated, more loving and less acerbic than yourself is both unkind and thoughtless. Your words could indeed be thought of as bullying.

Creating changes in ourselves is really hard but one thing I know for sure, Thumper's mum was mostly right when she said this. Best to mostly be nice in my opinion and pick your targets.

Defensive responses merely seek to confirm your role as someone who may indeed have A Levels in insensitivity, Thatcharism and general all-around nastiness.

This tough little statement

"If you post in the public domain, if you harbour dreams of one day being A Real Writer, then you'd better get used to a few dissenting opinions, and fast. I am a pussycat compared to Real Life, believe me"............ is nothing short of girly silliness.

I particularly disliked the "and fast".....very tough indeed and very second-rate.

Maybe time to think again girl cus its love that makes the world go around mostly and there's a distinct lack of it coming from your direction. Trust me on it.

JVIP

You got a friend

Is a song by this guy. He's a rockin dude is James Taylor in his pomp.

So, about half an hour ago I started to send a text to Pip. She's away at Nash Hash doing this. I'm at home, riding the aftermath of Tuesday. This is how my message started "I'm experiencing a real scitz atm"

Then I thought, no.....don't send the text. Write about it.

Anyway..........the above was written last night and should have carried on with a description of feeling so many things at once.

IE

The day at work, time spent listening to my girl, elated on the phone to have finally believed it is true. (Yes Pip, we are going to have a future together !) The time when I got home. Both Thumper and I, polite and kind to one another, talking about our "days"

Then, I was gonna write this.

However, I'd said to Thumper "fancy watching television for a bit" We never watch telly these days and it felt the right thing to do.

Anyway, we did and stayed up till real late watching Reading Rock Festival on BBc3. I must say that over the months, T and I have somehow neglected the music and we both enjoyed the bands we watch in the enveloping surround-sound that is the front room of our house :-)

Principally though, I had my perceptions widened last evening and said to T "I'm never again going to judge a band on just listening to them anymore"

The band that shocked me was this lot.

Up until now, my only real contact with them has been on this guy's show. (That JK ROWLING is quite a babe on the quiet huh) And I felt they were just another English-white-indy-boy-band, talking about their angsty-adolescence.

Anyway.....Razorlight...... what can you say about them ? Both T and I think Mr Borrell is quite something. According to Thumper, who knows everything about these things, he's seeing this girl who is....er....quite pretty. In addition to this he has quite a way with him. Doesn't he ?

What JVIP can say about the band is clear.

Sharp, On it, Professional,Rockin, Electric, Superstars

And Borrell could be the natural successor to this guy, this guy, but mostly this guy.

Quite an accolade really, although sharing information about the group of musicians that met on Venice Beach California with my good friend Thumper, she said merely (as sixties girls do) ......... "Morrison was much sexier and more edgy" and I then felt outgunned by her sense of Rock and Roll sociology and proper knowledge of the genre.....always much better than mine.

I shall miss her very much

JVIP

Hold on....I'm coming

Is a song by this lot. I love the bit where they say "Play it Steve"

So yes......I am coming Pip. At 20.35 the day before yesterday Thumper and I did the conversation. There is very little to say except I've been humbled, saddened and uplifted by the thing. She behaved so perfectly decently and with such dignity. It makes me feel uncertain.

Thumper's responses to my telling her about Pip are based on the strong love and ....goodness....respect for me. She wants me to be happy. She agrees our life together has stalled. She has a very open heart. A heart I fell in love with 16 years ago and have not stopped loving since for a second.

Happily, in this heart of hearts, I think Thumper really understands a new narrative would be the best thing for us both. It's not over yet though. Hopefully, we've made strong commitments to not doing this, this and this

And, importantly, we should remember not to do this as well. Gosh, was that Sally James ?

For a while now, you readers will know, I've been screwed up. My feelings today as still confused. I'm scared, worried and uncertain about the future. I'm also excited and feel like, for the first time in such a long old time, tomorrow is another day

JVIP

Heaven knows I'm miserable now

Is a song by this lot of course.

Anyway, I heard something yesterday which just about put the tin lid on things for me. An event that pricked my bubble of self-concerned angst. This is it.

I was born in 1950. At the time, the village I come from, was full of foreigners. Poles, Lithuanians, Estonians, and other peoples who were known, at the time, as "Displaced People"

One such person was Arthur. A German from the east. Ex-POW working on a farm for the local vicar. Arthur was one of these during the war and rode a motorcycle. He was captured quite early on in 1942 and came to the UK as a POW.

My Father was a POW too. Here

On my Father's return to the UK in 45, Arthur and him struck up a comradely friendship resulting in Arthur learning very good English and my dad improving his German. Arthur didn't want to go back to Germany because of this guy

During Arthur's training to be a soldier, he met Christa. Later, in 1949, she came to England to be with him. She came from here.

Arthur and Christa had 4 children in the 50's and early 60's. The first two of which, Gunter and Harald, became my best friends. We went everywhere together.

As Kids we used to do good stuff

Ride Bikes

Play Football

Play Cricket

Build Fires

Build Dens

Have Boxing Matches

Have Birthday Parties

Go to the Seaside (Weymouth usually)

Go Fishing

Have Fun.

Christa was always a massive part of all this. She was like my second Mum. Through her I learnt what a Kartoffle was. I learnt what Stube meant. I can remember, 14 or 15 kids, crammed into her little kitchen for birthday parties. The noise and hubbub part of a really exciting day. Games, fun, laughter, all on a shoestring. Christa's speciality was Jelly and Fruit in Waxed Plates, onto which she poured tinned cream. A real luxury.

Times at the sea were good too. Fish and chips, picnics, sand castles, swimming, rides on the wild mouse, cricket and football on the beach. Burnt backs, sand in all the wrong places and a luxury ride home in Arthur and Christa's car, one of these. Finally stop off for Lemonade and Crisps at a Pub.

When I was 12, I came home from swimming on a Saturday morning to hear shocking news.

Christa's son Gunter, my best friend, had been killed in a tractor accident.

Christa's three children came to our house over the week whilst the dust settled. After the dreadful, painful, heart aching, sad funeral, the family closed ranks and got on with life. It would be true to say that the deep pain of the day on which this tragedy happened remains with all of them, in one way or another to this day.

It still burns in my heart too.

Over the course of my teenage years, I continued to be friends with Harald until I went off and joined the Air Force. Truth to tell, the carefree joy of those early days, never really to be repeated.

Arthur died about 15 years ago. A bolt out of the blue heart attack. Christa has since lived with one of her daughters getting on with her life and generally contributing to keeping village life a collaborative and community minded environment.

About 4 years ago, Christa, helping others as usual, was looking after a dog for a neighbour. She took the dog for a walk and the dog, a big brute, pulled her over and she fell into a wall, dislocating her shoulder. She has, to all intents and purpose, been debilitated by this and other small complaints since. She is 82.

More recently, she has been going through a bit of a purple patch, however. getting herself back into mainstream life inch by inch.

Last week, for example, her daughters took her out shopping here, for the first time in 3 years.

Feeling justifiably confident, she said to her children-now almost middle aged, "you go on, I need to go to the covered market." So they did, and off she went.

In the market, Christa noticed a family close by, "oriental looking" with a young baby. As pro-social and community minded as ever, she talked to the baby, petting the child. The "Orientals" jostled her strangely and then moved on.

At the till, she went to pay for her goods and, of course, no purse. No cards, no £180 (that she had) to pay for the shopping.

There was hell to pay. The shop couldn't do enough of course. "Have the shopping for free" Managers summoned. Tears mopped up. Police called for. Security guards in attendance talking about cameras.

It's left her feeling devastated though. 82 years old, a life-time of pain and endurance. Living in an adopted country. The effects of this have been shocking and life threatening.

I feel both angry and ashamed.

Our world was one in which fascism was beaten, a world embracing change and a new love for others.

What have we come to that an older person cannot now walk our streets in safety ?

JVIP

I tell myself, the blues won't show

are words from this song. I like this guy ichingiching by the way. Gentle and sweet.

Yesterday was miserable. Hardly spoke all day and spent many hours just thinking things

What I've decided to say today, therefore, is more cheerful and falls under the category of "things to do in the future with Pip"

• Fish and chips here, here and here



• Food here here and here



• Fun on bikes, here here and here



• A lot of this



• Shed loads of this



• And mostly this

And that's only on the first day....goodness.

This guy tells it how it can be, so i'd best be quick.

JVIP

Werry Werry Super Skurry

are words in a song by this lady that woke me up this morning.

It's a funny old song and, in Germany at New Year, this is the one they always play in Discosmittles.

Pip is off to a family bash today. She's wearing a new outfit. Chosen last weekend by ourselves in a posh shop in Marlborough. I pray she'll wear it with confidence and people will tell her the truth about what she looks like these days. Radiant is what I say. She spent most of last evening preening and primping apparently. I felt so energised about her making herself look so good.

Rewinding to Yesterday.

I had a day characterised by another man's pain, a woman's joy and giving of support to a friend.

My work friend MrTom is in trouble deep. A man who, by any standard, is charismatic, funny, handsome and intelligent has been brought low by life, the turmoil of relationships and a relaxation of his moral compass. Things are well tricky for him atm.

Oh ! How I know that sweet and bitter road to ruin.

I talked with Mr Tom, and just after, on my way to lunch, sent him a text saying "I hope you pull through this intact bud. Love from the other fuck-up you know x"

He came back with "Thanks C, I appreciate the support. Your Comrade T"

I'll be pleased to see him pull through this thing. Mr Tom has demons from long ago and, in my perception, his adherence to the S and N has been underwritten firmly by a deep love of his wife.

Cep't, now it ain't. I worry he will return to this and to talking like this. Pray God Babylon evades him and he pulls through.

At lunch, I met one of these people. She was lovely, about 58 and tall. Slim, a little heel and a black pinstripe trouser. Nice jacket, Chanel maybe and a pretty cornflower blue blouse. Straight grey hair in a page boy style. Very worthy and passionate about her favorite subject.

We talked for about 90 minutes and agreed I'd come and talk to her colleagues soon about specialist Courts. I think she was really pleased with the outcome.

Finally, I went to see Willow. Earlier in the day she had sent me this text. "Survived. First day awful, throwing up on Morphine. Have started eating again. Look like Hammer House of Horror. Hope you're OK. Call you soon"

Willow did look tired. Mind you, if you had had your Thyroid half removed, so would you. She was tearful and light and bright both. A touch of thankful hysteria at her survival of the knife.

I fixed a virus thing on her computer and we talked about Pip and my future life with her. All well in theory we said.

The transition, soon soon soon to be on me, " Werry Werry....Super Skurry"

JVIP

I cried to him in fright

Is a song by this girl, Quite a song indeed. Such dignity and simplicity.

Anyway, on the way home tonight I helped a guy on a bike who did this. I ran across the road. He had leathers on thank god. Nobody came to help. He got up. He dusted himself down. I helped him pick up his bike. Not too badly damaged. A Yamaha R1. Serious Gear for boys.

I held his bike. A man in his 30's, cropped hair and quite tough looking. I said, "take a breath man, I'll hold your bike". He said. "Let's push it over to the kerb" I said "OK." We tried. Shit, it was in gear. Petrol pouring out of it. He got it out of gear. We pushed. Kerbside, we got it on the side stand.

I looked at him, he seemed OK. I said "are you OK ?" He said "yea, glad I had leathers on" I patted him on the shoulder and said. "I've only done this once.....dropped an FJ 1200 at the garage" Suddenly, he looked at me as if I was a human being. he said, "Thanks for coming to my rescue mate"

That's rockin init ?

JVIP

Woke up, got out of bed, dragged a comb across my head

Is, as you know, words from a song by this lot.

TBH this what my day has felt like. Nothing has touched the sides. I'm on auto-pilot, reacting to events on an hourly basis. Quite a lot is going on.

Willow is ill in hospital. Willow, in case you don't remember is my best mate. We've done life in the raw together since I don't know how long. Anyway, we've shared office space for 6 years. We support one another. Willow has been through the lot. Not that I'll tell it here because some things are just....private.

But trust me, she's had a time. Anyway, she's in hospital having a pretty serious operation. Have phoned, in case you were interested, she's recovering and....er "sleepy" according to some sexy sounding nurse. (uniforms again bear.....stop)

Thumper is ill. She has a real bad back. I'm trying to do all I can despite impending news. It's a very-very-very curious time. ( three very's .......quite worrying) This drama that is my life atm means I feel I have to care for the woman I intend to tell some really difficult news to soon. She's visited the quack and they've done some sort of manipulation. It hasn't worked so far. I sit and hope she'll get better for many reasons. Not all selfish.

Pip is in the pink on one level. Trying to be "up" for me. Trying, and mostly succeeding. I do, however, sense in her a distinct sense of "patience". And she is....what's the word ?....stoic maybe, but better words that encompass her passion are "simmering gently" She is just a dream of a girl. So much under the surface. So much more to get to. I just love her so very much.

I've done driving, meetings and....er.... more driving today. No great shakes, but frustrating. Mostly my colleagues are wonderful, capable, interested and interesting people. Today one meeting was chaired by someone up the food chain from me. We don't get on. All he does is this So..... a challenging afternoon.

Throughout this day, I've also talked to many people, walked a bit, not eaten properly, waited for a miscreant to attend and then fail, kept up with football totally, received and replied to many texts from Pip and other people, had a time, helped out, moaned, supported, encouraged, told off, laughed with loads of people and generally been "me" mostly.

It's all bollocks of course. Mostly, as I say, I've been on auto-pilot. My sense of momentum compelling and scary.

So in the words of my Liverpool hero's, "somebody spoke, and I went into a dream" How very true.

Its tough inside me atm. I trust she will pull hard to iron out my wrinkles.

JVIP

with feathers all stubby and brown

Is how, sometimes, the Pipmeister describes herself. Usually, after I've had a go at her and she's feeling......just..... got at by a hateful bear.

I confess to being all over the shop at the moment. Time is getting close to changing my life forever. I'm about to embark on the biggest adventure of my life bar none. The risks (it feels) are huge. The penalty of failure, personal oblivion no less.

This morning, I received an e mail from the girl. In it she had attached her application for a job she is going to apply for. She wanted my comments about it.

Apart from an aversion to full stops, it is a panoramic and multi-dimensional piece of work, and should be of course, for a job that pays in excess of 50k a year.

So, with a flurry of eiderdown, members of the selection committee are most likely to say " The best in town,..de dum..... the best, .de dum.......the best...de dum............................. The best in town......and a very fine Swan indeed"

JVIP

has left a pool of tears,

Is a line from this song. The long and winding road took me to Pip's yesterday afternoon. She greeted me at the door with her usual grin, head on one side, "look at me" type of greeting.

Looking at her was indeed a treat for my eyes. For the girl was wearing one of these.

There is nothing so compelling as a girl in a nicely fitted football shirt, particularly, when combined with a few other nice little bits of under-stated stuff, Pip indeed, looked a treat.

What we can say for certain is that if you go here, you'll read about her later exploits in that very shirt. All I can say as an observer to what went on yesterday afternoon is "I told you so Pip, I told you so"

Strolling into town smoking with her yesterday I opined, "you'll get looks in that shirt". She looked at me with her usual, "shut up, stop being silly" look she gets sometimes.

I look to my Lord in heaven and make a pact with him. We both think "We'll see"

Cut forward twenty minutes........bloke in car.....gesturing....thumbs up......shout's "fair play to love" through the car windscreen. I rest my case.

Cut forward thirty minutes. Supermarket, good guy with his partner comes up to her, "Christ, a Foxes fan here, I don't believe it ?" A 20 minute conversation ensues in which she does a damn fine job of convincing a die hard footy fan that she's the Dogs Bollocks.

Pip by this time is sweating profusely, she's not used public stardom. Her neck goes a lovely shade of pink when she's flirting. Good job girl.

We talk afterwards, and I say , " Pip it's the way of it....I told you ! Footy fans get together....its a religion. "

That and a shirt that shouts TOPPS TILES under a terrific set of tits

JVIP

Around and Around

Is a song written by this guy. I think, for what it's worth, this lot do it much better. With that in mind then, how does this guy get to look like this in 35 years ? You'd think playing such beautiful songs would keep you young. Despite everything really? Anyway, that's the mantra I've followed for the last 20 years at least.

Rock and Roll is quite a thing of course. Some say it's defined the way the western world has worked since it began. Witness this for example. or even this

Maybe, just maybe, its time for a revolution. maybe people will begin to think something like this is groovy instead ? Maybe we need to look outside the great Satan ? and find a street level groove of different proportion.

If that happened, and this guy gets to be living at Number Ten. Goodness, The world is our Lobster.

We might even.......hit the USA ?

Anyway, its a good question and one to which I'll probably return when PIp Pip Pip Pip Pip has been replaced by other chatter of more sensible proportion.

Love to all

JVIP

A Bird of Paradise

By whom, of course, I mean the greatest footballer to be seen in the Premiership to date.....Mr Eric Cantona

Durham and Wright were on again tonight stimulating my football juices. A Polemic and fractious interview with this man and then a debate about....wait for it.......who is the best,........Eric, or this man

Compelling debate.

Pip's post was about this woman. Amazingly, there are no video's available for this amazing sports star. Against all odds, it would appear she has reached the glass ceiling.

I still just adore that Pip. A challenge to the core of me and sometimes, if bears are good, she (who must be obeyed) would be give this girl a run for her money.

So....what do you think readers, is it Ginola or Cantona ?

JVIP

The Price of Love

Lyrics here BTW. Song here for those with a computer that doesn't need one off the wrist to keep it going.

I've been paying too much attention to this web site. As opposed, Ladies and Gentleman, to this web site. That's why I must have slipped, just for a second, into the vernacular.

I've had a time over the last few days. By "time" I mean the usual head chatter, nonsense, short quiet periods of brief respite and a silent head.

Friday, think I said, an evening with the proto-leader writers of this newspaper. Two ex-colleagues. I say "ex" quite thankfully. Not without pain either though. I'm just changing. OK ?

Saturday. The day with a "turd" in the middle. So it turned out.

Although the early day was great because I saw my lovely child Juniper. We did Indian in the garden.

Later, out to a little old 40th wedding anniversary party near here.

The host, a wonderful man with a wonderful talent to be this guy. Oh, if it were me !

The hostess, a children's writer, sharp and funny and a talent for doing this

So a lovely evening, marred only by best friend telling me it was all over with his partner. He's finally realised he's got crap radar and a very warm and generous heart. Goodness, that boy has suffered trying to make it work. More than me....that is for sure.

So a tricky evening for me. but quite groovy cus I met a guy called Stuart and talked about the red's and the blue's all night. No no no ........not Sir Alex V's Mr M. No indeed. A battle between a guy who looks like Peter Kay on drugs since he got that beard and, compellingly, another Scotsman who is proving to be quite a responsive and thought-out bloke. Yep, we talked Liverpool and Everton all evening between listening and watching to this lot and this lot.

Busy time. In the background...pip pip pip pip pip.

Sunday, the joy of Pip, my bike, a summer's afternoon and an evening to just die for. Entering into (what you know by now)and what is now known (officially) as an "overwhelmingly holistic experience" It was groovy.

Journey home was characterised by your correspondent finding out how, at last, to work a BMW R100CS gearbox properly. Duh !

Home to Thumper and Pizza. My boy (emotionally absent) still not very well but putting brave face on having tummy things going on.

Today. The release of work. Focused on my Policy document. Finished now and submitted. I will have my way !!!

Saw a poor lad in the afternoon who may go on to actually kill someone if we're not careful.

I say "poor" because this woman let him down by telling him there was no such thing as society.

A casualty of the modern world. When I saw the offences of this 18 year-old-boy on paper, I was just stunned. Meeting him, I thought, would be a daunting prospect. What I found, importantly, was a boy who is out of his depth, with no education, a load of labels around his neck given to him by doctors who should know better and, an intellect to die for.

I told him about education, I told him my story, I told him about learning to read at 15 and doing a degree at 37. The struggle ! How books change the world. The pen is mightier than the sword etc etc etc.

He looked at me and said, "I ain't doing your programme so don't start that hippy shit"

I just love him !

If there are people like that out there, if they are educated, if they are given stuff to do......if Tony Blair....you really had been tough on the causes of crime boys like this would probably have had more opportunity to make a mark, other than a just a stain.

Gonna talk to Pip on here in a minute. Looking forward to it.

JVIP

Momma's got a squeeze box......

A funny title right enough. Think about the words to the song. "In and out and in and out and in and out"


Substitute the words "In" and "Out" for the word "on".


You now have a solid and unshakable description of one of my dining companions tonight. And.....get this...... they really arn't a sexual metaphor...like in the song.



The other, a warhorse of a man in someways. So past his best and contriving not to know anything about the modern world. Charming in some people. Dull in others. For this scenario......read "dull"



I felt disconnected, provocative and frustrated. I think the assembled company (Thumper there too) thought I was a misanthrope and probably "on something"



Thumper played sweetness and light rather compellingly. Coming home in the pantechnicon, we swapped pace notes. I was refreshed to find she felt the same. These people make one feel old and past it.



Truth to tell, I spend most of my adult life these days working alongside 30 somethings. As a result, i take an interest in the things they take an interest in. As well as my own stuff. I find it helped me get along with them. They treat me like an ageing hippy who knows stuff and is "reasonably" relevant.



My dining companions.....right get this.......didn't know what this guy look like. These are people right.....get this....that purport to be intellectual. Both have good degrees and a pedigree in social work.



There are times when I've been known to feel true despair. The despair felt by this man is just that feeling. I think, mostly, that true misery is to feel trapped by boring people. Particularly as one gets older. The time running out to increase one's learning.



Give me crazy, give me hysterical, give me polemic, give me enquiring, give me educational, give me lively, give me funny............but dear god on this earth.........don't give me boring.



Neither of these two do the following.



Celebrity
Popular Culture
Intellectual Stuff
Music of any sort
Enquiring about one self
Bikes
Rock and Roll
Love
Passion
Sex

and the conversation around this guy was just hateful. Daily Mail 1 Empathy Nil

I was at a loss. Cep't for footy of course. But the dynamics weren't right for discussion. Two don't like it.



Underneath like a surgeon's knife cutting cutting........Pip Pip work Pip telling thumper Pip Pip work Pip Pip telling thumper........PIP !



Life's hard for a bear at the moment. How we laughed !






JVIP

On a hill far away stood an old rugged cross

My today has been biblical.

I awoke at the 7 o'clock alarm to HH aka hateful harridan, on the radio after a fitful sleep. I said to Thumper, I feel like I've been hit over the head today.

I glanced at my phone and read "Morning, awake and not grumpy" I responded with "Running late. On road at 8.10 text you" I showered. Cussoms Imperial Leather. White. L'oriel Elvive on the pony with....er.......Nuetrillium to ensure "non frizz"

Dress myself.

The ensemble'

Black Thong-Women's Primark, Vest, Black M and S, Shirt, Black. Sainers. TU brand. Jeans Primark. Socks Black. Primark. Black Crocks on the feet, well not really Crocks. Cheap Chinese copy Crocs from the Bath and West Show this year. Jeans Blue. Primark. Jacket Black. H and M. Silver Braclets from Tangier's, Thialand, Reading Berks and Tarifa. Glasses. Specsavers. Watch. ........Watch is a Franck Muller....well a Chinese copy anyway.

Drink a pint of water. Say Bi Bi. "See you later" Get in car. Black Skoda Fabia 1.9TDI.

Drive to Savacentre. Buy one of these. and smoke one of these. Drive to my work. Achieved 67.4 MPG today. Well done bear ! Put car in garage for oil change. Talk to Pip in car for a bit. She's got a busy day working at stuff. She has the idea she wants to change her job. I encourage her. it's a big post she wants. She's totally the right person for it. I will cross everything.

Arrive work at 9.45. Straight into extended talk with the WSW AKA Women's Safety Worker Sue. Discussed video from last night's programme and watched about 45 minutes of MDB.

Opened up computer and proceeded to write up contact logs, write letters, issue sanctions, organise 3-ways, answer about 70 emails, answer work mobile phone, talk to Thumper about Saturday and Sunday, fill in database, write a synopsis for a Healthy Relationships Programme, sort out cover issues for my team, supervise a facilitator, write up supervision notes, miss lunch, talk to WSW again about the retrieval of Batterers property from a shabby tenancy, fend off enquiries regarding a new DID programme, write to my gaffer about a conference and finally........yes finally, texted Pip with "Flat out with endless nonsense from work. head full of pain and worry. trying to make sense of my world and loving you x"

Oh....at three thirty, go to freezer at work and take out remains of last night's Chinese. Prawn Chow Mien and gobble it down with a bottle of this. Feel instantly better.

Supervise one of my team. Non tricky, straightforward-nice bloke-easy issues, no problems. Write up supervisions of him and one other.

5.30. Rush to garage. Have interesting and lively debate with man at garage about rock and roll. he Say's when he's on hols, and no one's looking, he does Karaoke to Elvis songs. I laugh and say "I bet you do a mean teddy bear mate" He smiles and Say's "probably yes" The Asian guy at the garage joins in and Say's "I sing in the shower" I say " fair play to you" Following up with the NG quote from above about being a child of the universe. The garage hands shuffle nervously, but I know I've struck a chord in their hearts.

Receive text from Be Be beep. Not well. Has a dose of the runs. "Can you get me a bottle of this ?" I say yea and finish with "laterz".

I'm down with my kids. Yea spect so !

Text Lady in Red with "I'm overwhelmed at the moment too. Work is just full on and life generally on pretty shifting sands"

Drive home. 74.6 MPG....it's more downhill the other way. Talk to Pip on way. We do our days.

I love her so so so so so much. Get home. Supper is Salad, Potatoes, Salmon. I provide Lucozade, wine and ....bizarrely.....Profriterolles.

Finish supper. Have a smoke. Drink a glass of cheap brandy. Text Pip "How's your evening?" She replies "I'm in bed, you" ? I respond with, "OK, just OK, I'll respond to girls later. I think you're gonna sleep well tonight. CEO Circles. Quite a thing huh ?

I Write this blog. I Think " This has been a day mate"

All the while, I've just had "Pip Pip Pip Pip Pip" going on in my distorted little head. Please let it end quietly soon.

Go to bed and dream of.........nothing.

JVIP

Don't push me......I'm close to the edge

Really, don't push me. I am.

Sitting with Pip last night we made the small discovery that a 5 year old computer, working on Windows 2000, RAM full of nonsense, and without adequate systems to combat stealth bombers doesn't really work that well, when coupled with a modern broadband system.

In fact, not to put too fine a point on it, her little old Dell Dimension is well banjaxed and needs a strong dose of e's and wizz to bring it up sharply into the 21st Century.

Its lovely to spend time together and we just revel in each other's company. We ate fish and chips, played guitars, watched funny videos on my super-slim fairly modern, all singing and all dancing laptop and made love beautifully.

Somewhat worryingly, Pip calls this an "intimate, multi-dimensional and holistic experience" I choked on a fish bone when she said this but, as old bears do, went with the flow and was proud to have made a contribution.

We do make good lovers. Quite outside the range of my experience in these things. Somehow, there really is, despite all the difficulties we face, a proper and respectful symbiosis, between us.

Probably, in other ways, this is best exemplified by a fairly competent rendition of what we call "17" with two-part harmony and done in an old time C and W style.

Yes....... that is both Country and Western.

A late night ensued and Pip was tired. I mean really tired. Tired beyond her means and awoke fractious and with the pressures of her life in a multiplicity of pieces around her feet.

We talked, and....as lovers do......we worked out things in a way that was both collaborative and loving.. Very well as it goes. She listens and thinks properly.I try to say things in a way they will be heard properly.

She is both talented and clever, funny, interesting and bright.

A woman who, I hope, will always give me her respect in this way.

We're in this together now... us Renegades.

Truth to tell, in working out how to proceed under some duress, I was reminded of a video we had watched the night before.

This is exactly what my life feels like right now and someone shaking that tower adds a frisson of danger and uncertainty to the whole thing.

Compelling for a bear and probably scary for a cat who has risked everything for me.

JVIP