There's a right way and a wrong way

Well, here's the thing; Wrighty's on Talk Sport.

He started last week, taking over from Quiny. On the drive slot from 4 through 7pm. You know the guy; he was the one on Celebrity Fit Club that had a pop at Anne Diamond and lost shed loads of weight.

See here http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Micky_Quinn

Anyway, Wrighty is in a fascinating position. He's feted, loved, worshipped and generally adored by the footballing community, despite have a couple of well dodgy chat shows to his name since he retired from "the arse" see here http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/ARSENAL_FOOTBALL_CLUB

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ian_Wright will tell you everything you need to know about the man. Including his recent appointment to becoming the side kick of one Adrian Durham. Please see here. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Adrian_Durham

This combination of presenters will be fascinating to a keen listener of radio who takes small delight in the sociological twists and turns of live broadcasting.

Wrighty.

National hero, clever, street sussed, big-headed, kind, funny, sexy and loved by babes, grans and young lads alike. JVIP well tips his hat to this wonderful guy. he's a special bloke.

Adrian Durham

AKA "Ginger whinger" Mouthpiece of the show. a dominant grammar school, Thatcherite sort of a boy. Indignant, opinionated, aggressive, chippy, bullied and bullying, ladsy, partial and very funny sometimes. His saving grace (of course) is that despite having a completely crappy 80's taste in music, he does cite the "blessed Stephen" see here http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Morrisey as his ultimate musical hero.


A compelling combination then, eagerly awaited by me. This week has been interesting to see how the new relationship would work out.

Early indications suggest, AD AKA GW, has fallen into a sycophantic adoration of the great man. The posh boy capitulating and fawning by turn in an attempt to ingratiate himself to this working-class footballing legend of positive and compelling manhood.

More of this in the future as AD AKA GW finds himself being eclipsed by the arriviste.


On the home front my lover Pip has taken up football seriously. She has a blog dedicated to the subject. She took up Hair. She took up Shoes. She took up Food, and unmistakably, she took up Music.

Then she took up blogging.

Maybe if I said I'd taken to listening to Radio Leicester, she think about taking up Wrighty.

"The time is 5 past the hour and here's Sister Sledge............"


JVIP

And your bird can sing

There are some things a man shouldn't have to face on a Wednesday morning. Hateful Hazel on the radio spinning some ghastly statistic about why she's not at fault for something or other, for example.

There are some things that are just wrong and you know they are !

Today's pride of place goes to a duo called Mark Robson and Daniel Merryweather who, quite disgracefully in my view, have decided (with the help of some penny-pinching, scandalous and tasteless record company) to release a cover version of the truly great "Stop me if you've heard this one before" by The Smiths"

I'm not really an 80's person you'll understand, not really getting the great Stephen until maybe 10 years ago. But once got, I've taken on the role of adoring fan rightly and properly.

The original version of the song is a testament to wonderfully crafted and ironic lyrics, soaring vocals and a rocking guitar arrangement by Johnny Marr that makes the hairs on the back of your neck stand up.

The song ends in a blinding crescendo and sudden death, redolent of the male orgasm. it is a triumph of style, musical genius, compelling arrangement and bang at it, rock and roll.

The Merryweather and Robson version is simply awful awful awful; the song morphing uncomfortably into a another tune late on. "You keep me hanging on" A Supreme's classic I often play at parties. The overall arrangement of the piece is couched in a cod "West Indian" style, probably made in a basement in Bristol by a very out of touch 40-something wannabe.

You wouldn't want to try and re-work "And your bird can sing" would you ? Its already perfect.

Funnily enough, my bird really can sing pretty well. Thoughts of this put a little smile back on my face this morning after a pretty rocky start.

Rant over.

Seriously though, what is going on ?

JVIP

Play it Steve !

From what the tabloids say this morning, the Roon-meister has had a bit of a falling-out with Steve Mclaren. England Coach.

Reading between the lines, there would appear to be little respect from Wayne directed towards Steve. Particularly as Steve had taken little Wayne to task about his abysmal performance in England’s lack lustre nil-nil draw with Israel over the weekend.

Wayne, quite rightly in my view, saying he was not at fault and was playing out of position and, in a role that does not really suit him.

Therefore,…..I have thought of the Top Ten reasons why I find Mr McLaren in the role of England Coach a difficult and impossible choice.

1 He is a cover-up baldy
2 He continues to ignore the fact he has one of the best centre-half’s in the world that he plays out of position most of the time.
3 He persists in the notion the best way to cover the left-hand side of the pitch is to use a naturally right-sided player.
4 He does not let Wayne do exactly what he wants.
5 He courts the Press assiduously
6 He has less charisma than Sven and makes more mistakes….goodness !
7 He’s been made England Head Coach with little track record of success, cept at Man U with the “Hairdryer”
8 His tactics are pretty easy to understand and, therefore, easy to defend/attack against
9 I don’t think he’s particularly “believable” in the role
10.Worryingly, he has a little notebook in which he jots down “little points” for his half time talk.

Further problem is this.

Who the hell is going to take on the role when he quits, or is sacked ?

The usual suspects are still around
1 “Big” Phil Scolari. Please No !
2 Martin O’Neil Hmmmm. Not doing so well at the Villa currently.
3 Sam Alerdyce too many other issues maybe !
4 Steve Coppell Please No again. I am a Reading fan
5 Alan Curbishly One-Dimensional
6 Alan Pardew Possibly, but could he deal with the press ? He didn’t at the Hammers

A bright idea though

Pip has started to take an obsessive interest in the beautiful game. She has a web site dedicated to promulgating her views. She receives fan mail. She attracts attention by her incisive comments. She has a serious following.

Could it be ? Surely some mistake.......but if you believe in magic....... just maybe ?

JVIP

Can you put your hands on your head oh no !

So, I'm back on dry land. The Status Quo is restored. Domestic simplicity reigns. Except, quite naturally, it doesn't feel like that at all.

About three weeks ago I experienced an allegorical dream. Somehow, I had boarded a Cross-Channel Ferry and was on my way to France. Interestingly, I had somehow assumed the role of Captain of the boat and was piloting the vessel across the busiest waterway in the world. All went fine until I reached Calais.

Inevitably, I beached the bastard. Major damage to boat. Interestingly, two things emerged from this dream.

1) No one died
2) Everyone walked away without anyone noticing it was myself, the erstwhile "Captain of Crashes" that caused such a major incident.

Last night I woke at 4 for a drink. Shortly after this I returned to sleep and the following happened.

I'm at a caravan site. I'm with my neat little Eriba and Skoda combination. Understated but quietly cool. They like it in the South of France anyway.

The man at the gate tells me to look for a suitable space to park. No matter how hard I try the site appears to be getting fuller and fuller and I can't find a space.

Getting a little frustrated I turn down a wooded track to look for other spaces. As I come to end of the track the ground falls away sharply and I brake. It is too late. I'm driving over a cliff with my little rig. Somehow, I get thrown clear of the car and I watch my little Motor and Caravan, still connected, crash into the rocks below. Strangely, there looks to be something to salvage and the car does not appear too badly damaged.

I climb down the cliff to see what I can do. As I do so, I slip and land on top of the car. It becomes dislodged from it's location and crashes further down the cliff. Again, I somehow remain unscathed but have battery acid burning my legs.

I wake up, startled and immediately make the connection. My life's about to crash and all will be ok and no one will die probably.

Hard world init !


JVIP

Get your kicks on Route Sixty Six

It's been a busy few days.

I've been living with Pip this week. Its been interesting and enlightening.

She's easy to be alongside and thinks and listens really carefully to what we talk about. She has her own ways of doing things that are endlessly fascinating and just fantastic. We're a funny couple; she, living mostly inside her head, me living almost toally outside mine.

Personal psychology v's a sociological imagination

We agree about Kelly's construct theory I think which is probably quite a good thing.

This says people develop internal models of reality, called constructs in order to understand and explain the world around them in the same way that scientists develop theories.

Like scientists, they develop these constructs based on observation and experimentation. Constructs thus start as unstable conjecture, changing and stabilizing as more experience and proof is gained.

Constructs are often defined by words, but can also be non-verbal and hard to explain, such as the feeling you get when your football team just won the championship or,indeed, when you feel slightly under confident about what you are wearing.

When constructs are challenged or incomplete the result is emotional states such as anxiety, confusion, anger and fear.

Anyway....here i am....connected on my lap top, sat inside her lovely little living room whilst she works this afternoon. Very nice to have the time to just reflect on a smashing week.

We've done a bit of hedonism and a bit of pragmatic. This worked well for me. She's kind and easy to be beside. There's still lot's to learn about her.

We're still on Route 66 and.....one thing is sure.....come friday.....I'll miss her with my life and it'll be very sad not to have her so close.

JVIP

Words are flowing out like endless rain into a paper cup,

I'm on a Laptop.

Perched precariously on a really uncomfortable seat in my little back dining room; Thumper having forbidden me to use my comfortable old computer chair "because it's ugly"

My big wonderful vista laden powerhouse sat close-by redundant. Why ?

Because the good people at BT have yet to develop the software to make my little wireless thing work. "The end of the month" a Scottish voice tells me. Apparently, the call centre for serious technical enquiries of this nature being kept "in house" and a long way from New Dehli.

The hoops and hurdles in getting the laptop to work was just amazing. It took about.......yes......all day. I spent at least 3 hours on the phone to firstly, Khalid and then....... bizarrely.....Craig (although I don't believe this was a real name).

Thing is, Beep Be Beep's mate Kev has "customized" this machine so it looks like an apple mac. Goodness knows why but he has and that means some of the utilities conflict with the wireless software which, inexplicably, keeps turning itself off. Dear god....spare me this technology.

So.....to the uninitiated, what happens is you make a phone call to India and they shadow your desk top and sort out the glitches.

Khalid, a cool boy, loved the look of the faux Apple notebook. Craig on the other hand found it all too much and struggled to see the point.

Interesting to talk to these wonderful people about such things though. And they are so so so polite and nice. Highly annoying too inasmuch as they keep it formulaic mostly, to which (of course) I play subversive. like, "do you have family" and "what sort of car do you drive"

They give up after a while and go along with it. Love their hearts.

In my work I have contact with lots of Craig's, but very few Khalid's.

Meanwhile, my big old vista monster still sits next to me.....glowering for lack of use. My back aches.

Seeing Pip for a week nearly from tonight. Rock and Roll.

JVIP

Big wheel keeps on turning

Earlier in the week I had shed-loads of inspiration for a blog entry that now, post windows XP, elude me.

Let me explain. Ordered new computer. Ordered BT Broadband Hub. Later ordered Wireless adaptors and sufficient ADSL filters. Ordering all these items takes at least an hour talking to people 10,000 miles away.

They all arrive at the house at different times. Certainly, they arrive when there’s no one here so I have to go to the postal sorting office across town to pick these items up the next working day. Joining a queue of people. This usually takes about an hour.

This morning (Saturday) I decide. I have all the stuff now. Let’s do battle with broadband installation.

First hurdle-two minutes in. The software that comes with the wireless adaptor is NOT-repeat NOT compatible with Windows Vista; only working on 2000 and XP

I feel like weeping. Sat here at my old, decrepit and tired 98-based machine, I wish for a nice person to come and just “do” this stuff for me. I’d pay a lot really.

Pip is sympathetic. Thumper does not understand and just says" this doesn't happen to other people"

In three quarters of an hour, the call centre opens. Pray for me.

JVIP

Because of all my pride, the tears I got to hide.

Apparently, the powers that be, have decided to replace the head of Edward Elgar with that of Adam Smith on the back of the £20 note.

I think I mind this very much.

The economist Adam Smith 1723-1790 is famous for many things. Not least, The wealth of nations. A huge tome of Political and financial Economy. These days, of course, he has a very right-wing think tank named after him.

One of the principle economic driving forces of the Thatcher years was the embodiment of Smith’s theories of Political Economy, brought up-to-date by the mathematics of Frederic Hayek. A hands-off approach to public issues that have enabled multi-nationals to gain their now (very) secure footing in Britain, eclipsing the state and deposing the established economic theories of John Maynard Keynes that grew out of huge world conflict.

Hayek’s theroies of political economy argue in favor of a society organized around a market order, in which the apparatus of state is employed solely to secure the peace necessary for a market of free individuals to function. These ideas were informed by a moral philosophy derived from epistemological concerns regarding the inherent limits of human knowledge. Goodness !

In 1763, Smith used the example of making of pins. One worker could probably make only one pin per day. But if ten people divided up the eighteen steps required to make a pin, they could make a combined amount of 48,000 pins in one day. Taken further in the 1920’s by Henry Ford in America, this form of utilitarianism and mechanistic production has come to dominate the western world and is best exemplified by the reduction of human behaviour and actions into small and explainable portions. Super-Capitalism is the result.

The private troubles ensuing from such public issues in the more micro world of human psychology suggest abberant behaviour in individuals, rooted in declining self-efficacy and subsequent mental pain, alienation and anomie are now treated as calculated and personal disorders by the modern psychologist and labelled by acronyms such as PTSD, ADHD and the like.

We are in a bad state because of this.

Conversely, Edward Elgar 1857-1934 wrote some of the finest choral pieces of music ever heard in the Western World. The music sours with emotion and majesty. His elegiac cello concerto for example, written after the death of his wife, exemplifies perfectly the emotional confusion of the human condition far more succinctly than any rational calculus of human behaviour based on self-interest characterised by the works of Smith and Hayek.

So then to private troubles….…..

My relationship with Thumper, characterised (as it is) by the routine and the mechanical, the everyday and the rational is a sad thing.

In my newer life, Pip represents everything that is passionate, loving and powerful. Her music and creative imagination is part of herself. She lets it be known these are important thing and in this……

She brings joy and laughter, tears and pain to the state of being that is myself. Long may that state continue.

JVIP

I close my eyes and count to ten

Well, I have to say that Windows Vista is pretty good. I’ve transferred all my music onto the new system and it seems to work ok. Good !

I’m still not on the net with my new machine, however. Nobody told me you need ADSL filters for every telephone device in the house before you start. So, it was another trip to Bombay, or Sri Lanka or wherever the Call Centre was to pick up bits that will make the system work properly. All in all it’s been a real eye opener into the hoops these massive Multi-Nationals expect the ordinary customer to jump through. Time was when an actual person used to come through the door and sort stuff out. Now, it’s a translated set of instructions from the original Chinese into, what passes for received English.

And, only a few years ago, I used to be an electronic engineer that understood stuff.

Pip’s been singing in the Midlands this weekend so I’ve been at home with Thumper. It’s not been a happy time. I described it as purgatory. Neither one thing or the other.

My emotional detachment from this relationship is becoming cruel to others and I must do something soon. I really must. To keep myself busy, I’ve been gardening and cleaning. It’s not enough.

Pip is incommunicado, having left her phone charger at home. So no texts and no calls to let me know whether she’s been able to address (what her singing teacher says is) a “confidence issue”

She’s chosen 3 difficult songs to do too. “I close my eyes” by Dusty particularly so. I’m thinking of her and hoping she does as well as her undoubted potential says she can. If this happens, she will be pleased with herself and, her confidence will grow. If I tell you she has the sweetest voice and can sound like Iris Dement or, any one of a number of traditional country singers, it would not be a lie.

Today I’ve also learnt to play and sing “You’ve left the water running” by Otis Redding. 4 chords and it rocks. It’s not on any album but was a demo record he did in about 1966. Check it out on Soulseek or Limewire. It’s a rocking record.

I’m looking forward to speaking with Pip again. I recognise she’s everything that keeps me living properly.

JVIP

Seventy six trombones hit the counterpint

Well, it took place; the big moment of my week. A Staff Conference organised for nearly 200 people. Feedback suggests some success. No real nerves on the day as usual because I always do stand-up and find talking in front of people ok. However, after the ball was over I was left with a curious mixture of feelings, head rush plus enervated limbs. She who must be obeyed expressed delight about the day. This is all good.

My star must be high for the day she finds out about Pip.

Driving home in reflection Pip comes on the mobile (proper hands-free, good boy) She praises and interrogates by turn. She had just been talking to another ex-employee of the organisation. Her past fights with injustice are yet to be fully resolved for her, although she (perhaps) thinks they have.

Scratch the surface on this subject with Pip and you get is a taut mixture of wanting to go over it all again, or sometimes, a “lets not go there” type of comment that suggests she’s had enough of “doing it” again and again.

I’ve had several things happen to me like this that fall into the “stuff that fucks you up” envelope. Two stand out prominently. A very oppressive time on my Social Work course is one. The other is my employment tribunal and all events leading to its successful conclusion. The pain encountered in the second of these events was ameliorated by massive support and really terrific advice from Pip (before we were lovers)

Nonetheless, both things still leave me with a frisson of anger and hurt when I think about them for too long. However, as your Mum always say’s “time is a great healer”

So it will prove with Pip.

JVIP

Tasting much sweeter than wine

Liverpool, Manchester Utd and Chelsea are all through to the final stages of the Champions league. Arsenal, thankfully, are not.

I have missed both nights of European football this week. Last night, I was working with eight angry men who abuse women both emotionally and physically. During the mid-time break, we all listened to the half-time scores.

It is an interesting dynamic.

Firstly, I have a proper programme to deliver. It’s not nampy pampy and it’s well serious. I aim to be a positive role model that tries to manage the delicate balance of Care and Control, with these men.

Think about it, if one wanted to evoke the idea of change in a person, the first thing one needs to do is enable them to understand what’s in it for them. Secondly, there’s the whole issue of domestic abuse by men on women being a massive example of self-defeating behaviour. And, they need a bloody good talking too as well. Skills required are obvious and a very thick skin is also called for.

We all want Mazlo in our lives, don’t we? So to control, bully and intimidate the woman you live with to try, somehow, to make her behave in a way you want is not only shit behaviour, but also it simply does not work. Or, at least, you don’t actually get what you want from these sorts of actions.

Love, trust, intimacy, respect……all gone in a puff of smoke.

When a man bully’s a woman, the first thing to disappear in that relationship is trust. With trust gone, Mazlo et al departs on the 5.30 to Paddington shortly after.
Football scores at half time, therefore, seek to lighten the moment for a brief few seconds before we return to the working room, the atmosphere of which is always charged with that same old secondary emotion Anger; closely backed up “Justice for me”, humiliation, frustration, anxiety, worry, fear and a sense of being trapped.

I say to them “Think about this idea? There are two head states we can proceed with from here”

Head state one
“Her feelings-my behaviour”
Head state two
“My feelings-her behaviour”

Head state one is likely to lesson the chances of abuse.
Head state two is likely to increase significantly the chances of abuse.

The men look at me with varying degrees of understanding and try to decide if they can possibly open up to a 56 year-old hippy with a ponytail who invariably challenges them as they’ve never been challenged before.

The night before last, Chelsea and Liverpool went through on the nod; my evening was taken over by an altogether more attractive and serious encounter with Pip.

We talked, we played music, we ate pizza, we drank wine, we smoked a pipe of peace and we made love beautifully. And then, we did it all again. I am filled up by her.

On such variations, contrasts and symphonies are a life made.

Head state one is everything.

JVIP

It would take a dozen Skivvies

One of the things that present a constant source of difficulty in my work is trying to get people to consider the idea of change.

Change in their lifestyle, change in their circumstances, change in their behaviour, change (important) in their attitudes.

This is all very well in the abstract. Much has been written and talked about just how one does create an environment in which people can consider properly the idea of change.

Trouble is, I’m working on a template of people’s behaviour and attitudes (that is often) shaped by many years of inattention, paucity of intellect and really really poor parenting by the baby boomer generation, of which (I guess) I’m one.

Many young people, therefore, know very little about Nursery Rhymes.
Incy wincy spider, Mary Mary quite contrary and Round and Round the garden are all areas of ignorance and mystery to them.

Attachment theory talks very clearly about the shared experience of parents and their children in the bonding process of the first five years of a child’s life. This process (amongst other things) promotes self-confidence, self-knowledge and the clear ability to develop an internal locus of control over aberrant behaviour.

My overwhelming experience of “troubled” 17 plus people these days is that, instead of any signs of proper attachment, I experience in them, a black hole of memory, only partially filled with the Play Station nightmare, the prurient media intrusion and the overwhelming desire to “have it”. All these ( in JVIP’s view) driven by unconscionable multi-nationals, crap sociology and dodgy advertising.

These “shelf fillers” represent no substitute for a Parent’s love and the day-to-day minutia of effective childcare do they ?

So……………..when Pip tells me she is thinking of taking a new interest in (goodness) Football. I just worry. Like my group members, trying to fill backwards a lifetime of cerebral neglect in the beautiful game may well end in tears. For example, cut to last night and a conversation taking place over a shared hot bath, “Did you know?” (She say’s) “The Spurs are a Jewish team?”

Maybe (some would say) stupidly, I’m up for this awakening in her…..but

In the interests of happiness, stability and long-lived love, your fact of the day, today, Pip is, …..
That under no circumstances whatsoever, will I countenance any fondness, any alliance or indeed any connection with The Arsenal and all other works of the devil.

I thank you !

JVIP

Suspicious Minds

Pip sent me this text yesterday morning “Make sure your defences are up against bad spells”

Apropos of nothing much, I had a miserable day yesterday. It started with a conversation with Pip. Her daughter, quite rightly, has just and proper concerns for her Mum. Pip’s brought up her daughter with moral reasoning. A subject close to my heart indeed.

At work we have this thing of levels. Quite often on Anger Management Programmes we encounter (mostly) men who have been subject to a high criticism-low warmth background. The results of this are that when the boy becomes the man, anything in front of them that does not accord with their world-view of things will get punished. A lot of road rage incidents happen in this way. Couple a punishing heart with low impulse control and you are likely to encounter fireworks. Level one moral reasoning. To get the idea think………. (I have it)………. George Bush. Black and White......no Grey.

Pip’s girl isn’t like this at all. But she is worried that her Mum is involved with a rake. A man with two women in his life and a history of reckless encounters rivalling Casanova.

So yesterday was miserable because this knowledge makes me feel guilty. I get defensive and hedge. The dissonance increases in my head and I can’t concentrate on my work.

Cut to my HQ.

I've now been short and chippy with my Chief at the last planning meeting (for Friday’s big event) before I go on stage to manage this big (and for me) important production.

“She who must be obeyed” sprang something on me at a time of low concentration, my head full of self-loathing and argument. I responded with an ironic “I love the way you just do that” Her face froze and I felt the ice momentarily. She laughed nervously (which was good and meant I had her on the back foot) but I know she’ll remember and the reckoning will not be so far away. Life is dangerous when you're working for a girl who was bullied at school !

Pip’s text came right back to me. She knows a thing or two that girl. How very right she was and how much I love her. Note to self- Pay more attention next time.
JVIP

on and on and on and on

According to recent news, Hazel Blears is likely to stand for the deputy Prime Minister’s post when “two Jags” steps down.

I don’t know about you, but I’m not sure myself. I don’t really like her. She’s a funny woman I reckon. Saving graces include an interest in motorbikes and appearing as an extra in the acclaimed film “A Taste of Honey”

Sadly it’s downhill from here on in.

Characteristic of Hazel is this thing she does of chattering on and on and on and on. Undoubtedly, she has an ego. Haven’t we all? But the thing is, with Hazel, it’s like, very irritating and just really really crap. Whenever I’ve seen her on the telly I felt my balls shrinking and a sense of being bullied by a mad woman.

Not only do you get hundreds of words per minute, you also get this manker northern accent that cuts through the air like a chainsaw through tissue paper. It would appear she’s from Salford.

I wouldn’t mind if there was some sort of genuine redeeming feature in her presentation. You know, like the languid intellectualism of Morrisey, or even the No Nonsense, in-your-face pugnacious drawl of Gary Neville. But no, with Hazel you get a sort of unattractive dominatrix, yattering on and on and on, saying very little really, and characteristic and not unknown in other Labour women, exemplified best by the Harriet Harman experiment.

Give me New Order, give me Old Trafford, give me Bernard Sumner, give me the Hacienda. In fact give me any Manchester reference you like (including the rain) but, probably, don’t give me Hazel.

The worst of all is that she’s a fully paid-up member of what passes for the template of a modern politician.

Our brave new world of the third way suggests (doesn’t it ?) that we now require our representatives in Westminster to be sanctimonious, bossy, overly assertive and deeply unattractive.

They seem compelled by force of nature to talk bollocks and, always always always, telling the rest of us what and particularly, what not to do.

Sorry to be a misery about this but we really can do better can’t we?


References

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/politics/article1443940.ece

http://iaindale.blogspot.com/2007/02/launch-of-chipmunk.html

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hazel_Blears

JVIP

And freedom tastes of reality

So…..after weeks of saving this up….I’ve done the deed. I’ve talked to NNN. No Nonsense Nick, my sister. She knows about things. Yesterday her view of me changed.

These are the things she knows about

· She knows how much Pip loves me
· She knows about our music
· She knows about Pip’s crazy head
· She knows how much I love Pip
· She knows I’m screwed up
· She knows there will be respite from this
· She knows how to support Thumper come the day
· She knows how to tell Little M. my Mother
· She knows enough to know this isn’t my mid-life crisis
· She knows its serious
· She knows everything I could tell her about the path leading to Pip and what Pip is like
· She knows to support me through this
· She knows the value of discretion

It’s the weekend now. I’m busy with jobs. Thumper is having her nails done. Pip is distant and feeling lonely. I’m wondering how to make her feel confident about me. I must keep working this out so she knows forever I love her.

JVIP