Hangin' on the telephone

I talked to Pip tonight. We had spoken yesterday. I texted her after the Saturday night awfulness. I feel I'm just a selfish baby, using her in this way knowing how much she loves me.

Pip said "it's almost like you need to see my pain in order to re-assure yourself I love you"

I wanted to say " I've felt so lonely, So empty and crazy" But said something crap instead.

She has a powerful way with her. And yes, I wanted her to rescue me from my stupid self. The way men always use women. And she responded kindly and well. But at a distance. Then she almost cried and I thought "you're a wanker Mr Bear"

Once upon a time,during the war, Pip said to me this " Bear, You have met your Nemesis !"

Tonight, after our conversation, led by me, directed by me and needed by me, she sent me this text.

"Please don't contact me again until you have taken action or made an alternative decision. Like we agreed. I feel disrespected. I will be there for you in real need. You are not there yet. I love you x"

One kiss I thought was a bit stingy. But she is my Nemesis. She just is.

In my country we have a saying

"Those who talk the talk, need to walk the walk"

So Bears plod onwards and upwards with the thought in their heart that she is the first woman in my life who's made me feel like a child. And I value that. She really is special.

JVIP