There used to be this old rock n roll song that ended with the epihet "I´ve got blisters on my fingers!"

This man would say "That'd be right !" And I really have.

I´ve played a lot over the last few days. I´ve played for my supper, I´ve played for my soul and I´ve played for my life.

Oh Pip I miss you so !

And, never more than when I tried to play this and had the usual usless tears remembering the context in which I first heard this song.

Positively, since my last post, I´ve been to quite a few places. A bar dedicated to this model of Spain, still recognised as mainstream culture. I ate a slightly underdone pork-fillet in thyme and rosemary with some relish for a bear who has the Talmud in his bones.

Later, I went here and mixed with (what felt like) very clever and too smart people. Later still, and in need of a dose of reality I went here and listened to a girl on a guitar sounding a lot like this. The girl told me she has an album coming out in November. Now where have I heard that before ?

Later again, with dawn breaking, I played this quietly to myself, remembering how well my girl does this song.

Over this week, many people, nice, warm, friendly, decent people, have come up to and said, "When are you coming back?" and I look back at them and say "I´m not sure, I havn´t worked it out yet" They look at me like I´m not quite with it. So hard !

I´ve spoke with Luce and her strong, mountain of a man, Goliath with a real love in my voice. I´ve told her she´s lovely, I´ve told him to take care of her.

What more can I do ? What more can I do ?

Annoyingly, I missed the net cafe yesterday. It doesn´t open on a Sunday so I´ve held onto all my worries until today´s ritual out-pouring.

Today, the cafes´open again obviously and I´m sat here alone (siesta) in a room full of 20 computers. A girl sits at the desk, very bored indeedy.

Tonight, I´m adding more blisters to my fingers at a party along the coast at freinds. Inside myself, there is still, even here in bear paradise, a dull ache in my heart that lets me know I´m not yet fully alive without my girl.

Don´t be under any illusion Pip. The feelings I have for you are as real as feelings can be and, over the last few days, despite all the friends, the music, the refined social skills and my mediocre talent, I´ve felt like a spectator in my own life, alone and without a proper soulmate.

I don´t think thats how its meant to be....is it ?

JVIP