So Far Away and no title. Spanish computer. Keboard different and cant get the cursor in the box.´No matter.

It´s Saturday Morning. I flew into Gibraltar on Thursday. Thumper is with me. The flight was the usual scarey mixture of complete calm and a crazy Levante landing. That´s when the wind blows in the wrong direction and "finals" are characterised by sickening lurches in height at about 200 ft above the Med; the airframe of the A310 shaking and the wings bending in sympathy.

The last couple of days have been characterised by me getting my breath back, removing damp from the flat and meeting with friends. In the background of this Pip is as large as life and twice as beautiful. One of her latest texts, sent on Thursday night said this

"I wish you a safe journey and return. I know you may have experienced me as cold and hard recently but I truely believe emotional distance is best for both of us at this time. If you decide we have a future together you will have consistent love and care and warmth from me. I just think it would make this time harder for you and put emotional pressure on you instead of giving you time to think properly. Listen to your inner wisdom, accept that you can´t avoid causing pain whatever you decide. Be kind to yourself and forgive yourself. It is part of being human. I love you truely and with all my heart. If you decide on a future with me, I will do nothing to make you regret it. If you decide against, I will understand too. I am under no illusion about the enormity of what you face. I am honoured and humbled you are going through this for me. I love you bear and want you to be happy and at peace x"

When I got this, you might imagine I was taken aback and had to hang onto my head for a bit. I was about to do some work with people so had to put the text on the Back Burner for a few hours.

Anyway, life moves on doesn´t it ? We´ve touched base by text and told each other of our love for one anther. How could I not love her when she says such things ?

Its funny being here. I wondered if I might have had some peace from the turmoil in my head. Particularly as I´ve had clear time away from work. So, whilst I´ve had lots to do thats kept me busy and (I´ve spent great time with Thumper´s dughter Luce), the nag-nag naggyness of my head-world remains exactly the same. In fact, truth to tell, the time to take action gets ever closer because I just can´t cope with the chatter anymore.

Since Thursay then, I´ve dehumidified, lost some washing on the roof, eaten well, got a bit stoned, drank lots of wine, put up some shelves, made the gas work, got the fridge going, been to a rocking party, met friends, learnt to play these two songs quite well, played this this and this in public, received accolades from.....er....fans and finally, have resolved again to move forwards.

I´m still shot away. I looked in the mirror this morning and this older person stared back at me. This time has taken its toil on me in a way. Subsequently, I may need to talk to this guy who seems to know what he´s talking about.

I´ll be back on here again soon. Pip, who is 2000 miles away, feels like she is right by my side when I hum this

Love to her always

JVIP