My Momma told me......etc etc

Where do you go shopping for food? Stop me if you’ve heard this one before, but it is a trial isn't it ?

Asda
Could not possibly go there because of Wallmart connection and (per-lease) Sharon Osborne. Pat pat.

Tesco
No No No. Dame Shirley Porter and all that Gerrymandering in Wandsworth. In addition, all that buying up of land so no one else gets a look in renders it impossible to set foot through the doors. And those "finest range" products. What is that all about?

Morrisons
Possibly? Like some of the stuff but the staff uniform is just hateful and to force people to wear such things in public is oppressive. Isn’t it?

Co-op
Hmmmm. A few nice things, Ethical stance? Cote de Rhone is fab but increasing reliance of packaged food to make a profit render it an unlikely JVIP choice

Marks'
Hugely expensive and actually, in many cases, not that special. They do a rather fab individual Melton Mowbray Pork Pie. Salads second rate and wine hugely overpriced. I like those liquorice milk sweets they do on the check out!

Waitrose
All right (I suppose) for posh stuff. Leader and store champion of the "pay more for ripe fruit" idea, which really really ticks me off. Good incentive scheme for staff ruined by a horrible uniform (see Morrisons)

Sainsburys
Gets my vote. Interesting their profits are now rising again after a period of decline. Nice staff in my local one and a convincing range of products. High Class and Ordinary. Quite good clothes if you don’t mind looking like Alan Partridge. Please spare me, "You got a nectar card?" though.


Aldi
Gets my vote. Precious things on a Thursday. I’m often to be found queuing up with other "older" men wearing fleeces for the latest in Hammer Drills or handy portable generators. Some food really good and cheap stuff certainly as good as any other place for less. Look out for Colliers Cheddar. (Available in Sainsbury’s too)

Lidl
Gets my vote. Unpretentious.
How do you pronounce this name though? My colleague Willow, who is almost German, says" Lie-dal, whereas I say "Lid-ul"

Lidl is a place for everyman. Certainly, in the town I come from, the aisles are full of people from all walks of life. Asylum Seekers to posh country people "out for a bargain"

Food ok in some respects. Look out for nuts, jams, breads and some cheeses that are ok. Their underarm deodorant and some other personal products smell disgusting and make the "Lynx effect" seem positively sophisticated.

More on this subject again, I’m sure.

Here’s another thing though, what do you think about the whole notion of "How Men are in Supermarkets?"

Last Sunday, walking around Aldi with Thumper, I observe red two middle-aged couples walking round the store, clearly out on a jolly together. The men (wearing fleeces) looked, for all the world, as if they had never had to shop for anything in all their lives ever ever ever.
Their response to being dragged around the place, missing the FA cup and the ridicules John Motson, was to conspire together and behave rather like 6-year-old tyrants, bossing their women partners around and debating (loudly) the merits of certain food products. "Why do we have to spend money on this rubbish?" etc etc etc


I could have slapped their silly legs.
JVIP