London calling to the faraway towns

I've been up to London. Not, on this occasion, to visit The Queen. More serious I'm afraid.

In my job I work, predominantly, with men who abuse their women partners. I also manage people who do the same task. My day in the capital was a Conference designed to give people who do my job, at my level, the opportunity to talk about the 5 W's.

It's unfortunate, therefore, that all such initiatives, run by the centre, are fraught with the difficulties of trying to moderate the policies of our political leaders that so affect private individuals.

The other thing for an "older" Bear is I'm confronted continually by younger and more energetic individuals "making their mark" so to speak.

It's a tricky old thing and calls for a degree of diplomacy I scarcely know I possess.

In my head, Pip looms large. She's there on a (more or less) continual basis. Her fine way of being. her generous nature, her capacity to guide me through difficult waters and, of course, her lovely lovely self hood.

She's an amazing woman is Pip. She comes from a family of amazing people. Not really people I understand very well.

Her Father, a strong, capable and closed-down individual who loves his daughter with such an unspoken passion. He looks out for her always. Pip becomes frustrated by (what she sees as) his interference and (what she sees as) conditional love. He's unwell and has been debilitated by serious illness. When I get to hear about him I feel like it's a story about someone from my childhood. Values strong, he treads through life with the broken strength of a wounded animal. Too late to change his ways, he finds the modern world a frustrating and nihilistic place to live.

He is scrupulously honest in his values yet unbending in his mistaken beliefs.

Pip's Mother is another person worn down with feeling unwell a lot of the time. She's kind and warm to a fault and had a successful career as a head teacher. Now, she seems over-shadowed by her Husband whose strength of values and beliefs, dominate their life together. She too loves Pip very much and the relationship between Pip and her Mother is a strong one. It is mainly characterised by the dynamics of the relationship between two women and a man they share. Interesting.

Anyway, Pip has been in my head all day, despite my trip to London. Since I got in last night, there hasn't been more than a couple of minutes where that Girl from the West has not been banging away inside my temples saying "When ? When ? When ?"

Peace be on my head please for I think I'm going crazy. Readers of this (very few) will say "It's about time you sorted yourself out Bear" I tend to agree and have decided i really must do so.

Over the next few weeks I'm gonna study very hard the work of Prochaska and Declemente and see if I can't move forward into preparation. The study suggests anyone working therapeutically with the "patient" should do the following:

1.Identify and assist in problem solving re: obstacles
2. Help patient identify social support
3. Verify that patient has underlying skills for behavior change
4. Encourage small initial steps

One unfortunate thing is that I have no therapist cept for a few friends and will have to adopt a much more Socratic approach of healing myself. This, undoubtedly is what Pip hopes for. I will not fail her in this and will, like her Father, be scrupulously honest with her. One-nil by the way.

Oh, I've done the obstacles to death. There are many of them.

Social support. I have it partially. It may, however, rest with People I know very little about. I have work people who are ok. But my family. I don't think I can count on them to understand. I tried with No-Nonsense Nick some months ago to no good effect really. We have not talked about "it" since.

Identifying underlying skills for behavioural change. Hmmmm. It's a cinch probably.

Bears, however, are hard to turn around. The secret (of course) is learning that life is a classroom. All things change don't they ?

Encourage small steps. I have taken a few of them. The rest are of the "fuck-off" variety. Parachutes will be necessary. I hope, in the circumstances of a sky-diving fall Pip will provide parachutes, secondary parachutes and a "fuck-off" safety net that protects my bones from the cold hard ground.

Finally, I guess this sort of thing concentrates my mind. As ever, its all in the music with me.

Keep the faith everyone

JVIP