Back with no Bone

Forget yesterday mostly.

These are the reasons:

• my job felt impossible
• my car was unreliable
• i got a migraine (not man-flue migraine either)
• i was very fed-up with people's unrealistic expectations of me
• i had no peace in my mind

When I get like this, all my middle-class social conditioning of deferred gratification, do as you would be done by, stand up, be a man, tomorrow will be a brighter day, stop moaning, think of all the starving children in Africa, "its better now than when you were frightened in Northern Ireland"......all try to re-surface my selfhood but, on this occasion, fail to lift me and merely seek to confirm my inability to deal with the conflicting issues in my life.

On my way back to Thames Valley from Wiltshire, Pip calls and says uncrap motivational things. I drive on painfully and blindly into a dark wet night in my dodgy car thinking about her. I drink lucozade.

Later, after (thank my stars) sleeping away the evening, she sends me this text

" and so to bed, to sleep, perchance to dream. I will dream of my romeo, his hair streaming in the wind, his eyes aflame with love"

I get up. I eat (quite good quality-Tesco finest range) Pizza and (delicious)Salad and drink (Sainsbury's plastic Merlot-£5.99 125CL) wine.

I watch Joni, David, Graham, Steve, Neil, James and Carly playing into their Californian night and think

"How could i live without her?"

JVIP